he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
