I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You can't just leave with hair like that
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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