i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
