god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
