There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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