Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You left your phone here
Wait...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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