happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
