I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
