And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
