I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
