I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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