apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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