I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
