based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
this is an emotional support booty call
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
