life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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