i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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