i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
