I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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