Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
