went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
