Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
