i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
