just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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