They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
