Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
