Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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