I take back everything I said about communal showers
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
