so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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