Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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