I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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