So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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