Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
