i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
