you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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