he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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