Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
