we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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