My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
