oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
