My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
