She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
