I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Vodka?
Forever.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
