2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
