no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
