talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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