so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
