i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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