im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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