I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
