Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
