Ketchup is God's man juice
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
