a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
